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Sunday, January 8, 2012

How bad?

So, it's late at night and I'm with my husband driving back from our family's house and I started thinking... Here I am CD 32 , 15 DPO, just hoping and wishing that this could be it and I wonder if those lucky ladies that have been blessed with children, know how lucky they are.

For the last two years that we've been ttc'ing, I've had more then my fair share of people that say... "you need to relax", "stop thinking about it", "it will happen when it's meant to". If only people knew how much those words actually hurt.

It's hard for me to describe how much being a mother means to me. As much as one person wants air to breathe, I want a baby. As much as one person needs food to live, I need a baby. As much as one person doesn't want her baby, I'd die for one.

My whole life, I've dreamed of being a mother. I have said, for as long as I can remember, that I wanted enough kids to form my own baseball team. But I don't just want this for me... I want it for my husband, who so desperately longs for his Daddy's Girl. I want this for my parents, who have patiently been waiting for their first grandchild.

Infertility is one of the hardest things I've ever been through (and that says a lot as I am a cancer survivor). So, before you look at me and tell me those very cliche things, take the time to think about how much I'm hurting. How every single day I am reminded that you may have the one thing I want more then anything. Remember, just because I smile, doesn't mean I'm
not dying inside...

Sorry to be a Debbie Downer but I just wanted to be very open and let you all how I feel.

Hopefully I'll update you all soon!

Love,
Edith

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